i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
