We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
