My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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