i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
