Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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