I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
