drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
