I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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