i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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