shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
