Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
