I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
