the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
