well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
