He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
