How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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