saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
