I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
