lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
