As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
