Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
