you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
