so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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