I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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