Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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