I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
