please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
