I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize