Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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