i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
please come you make the beer taste better
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
