I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
