I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
