Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize