I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
