im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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