im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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