i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're like the curious george of whores
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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