If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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