Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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