Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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