____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hippo gnu deer
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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