this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
