this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
