what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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