I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
