She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
