i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
