We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he fucked my hip out of place.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize