I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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