In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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