Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
