this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
