I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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