It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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