I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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