dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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