On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I forget how to act sober
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
