u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
