It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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