well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dick has a subreddit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
