We're facebook friends in real life
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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