You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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