my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
