Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
