Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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